We have come to a point in our little guys case where decisions are being made and things are moving along. Throughout the past year this case has had ebbs and flows; some weeks we had a lot of news and other weeks we had nothing. I have been told 'he will be moved before summer is over' (this was summer 2020!) and then I was told 'he will be moved before Christmas 2020' and then it was his birthday (April 2021) and now we are at a point where they are trying to make a timeline for a placement to happen before he would start kindergarten. This is what I have been pushing for for months. I don't want him to potentially go through all the tough transitions with kindergarten here and then abruptly have to stop and transition somewhere else.
The last couple months as September continues to get closer and closer I have had to put on my social worker hat and have advocated like a mad woman. I have done all the things, short of showing up at a workers office demanding attention (that was going to be my next step, but I didn't have to take it that far thank goodness). Sometimes it has felt like if I wasn't waving my arms and making our family known we got forgotten about. Our little guy has been doing well, we haven't needed the help of social services. I know workers go to where the crisis is- and we haven't been that crisis. At times the decisions that have needed to be made haven't been made, and here we sit about to celebrate a one year anniversary with a very sweet loving boy.
We are so glad to have him and because of this it has hurt a lot to advocate for his placement somewhere else. It has felt especially confusing to want him with us but to also want him to go somewhere else. This has been the emotional tug of war that has plagued me for the last year. I feel a huge sense of relief with the idea of our little guy taking the necessary step into the next stage of his life but also a huge sense of fear for him as he navigates a new life without us.
I am also feeling a small sense of what his parents went through a year ago as they said good bye to their little guy. I have only known of his existence for the last year, they birthed and loved him for 4. I imagine our heartache is something we now have in common.
I am very much aware this is the main reason people say they can't do foster care. The heartache of saying goodbye to someone you love is painful but I have this to say;
Had we not said yes to this cutie we would have missed out on
the compassion that has grown in our family for people who struggle
teaching my kids how to love others even when they are hard to love
experiencing the different forms of families and what family truly means
teaching our little guy there are other foods than just bread!
showing him the love of Jesus and teaching him about His unconditional love
giving Jemma the opportunity to experience being a big sister and giving Jace a little brother
seeing the incredible mothering spirit Jemma has and watching her nurture this little guy
all the laughter he has added to the house
teaching him how to love and enjoy new things and watching him as he has done this
the opportunity to explain 'orange shirt' day in a way that makes sense because of the lived experience of our little guy in our home
having to really rely and team up with Jeff in a way that we have never needed to before
receiving love and support from our families and close friends during the beginning months that were really hard
This list is not all encompassing. Reflecting on this list is one way my family will stay the course and continue to do something that is hard and painful. We will stay focused on the good rather than focusing on the hard.
Hebrews 12:1-3 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
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