In November my family was preparing to say good bye to the baby. We were given a timeline. We were told he would be leaving us within a couple weeks. We were not ready. 6 months have gone by and we are still not ready. This month the baby has been having week long visits and he has been gone more than he has been with us. This has been helpful for us, we have ‘practiced’ not having him around. On April 27, we will say goodbye to the baby. I don’t know if we will ever see him again. My prayer is that the relationship we have cultivated with his family will result in contact going forward but it ultimately isn’t up to us.
This Sunday at church we are on the topic of relationships. I was convicted during the sermon that I have not been “all in” on his transition to his family. I have done the things; I have packed his toys, his clothes and diapers. I have communicated back and forth with his family with encouraging words and I’ve tried to be a team player, but my heart hasn’t been in it. I have been trying to do better. To do this I have been reminding myself of the calling to serve.
1 Samuel 12:24 But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you.
Hebrew 6:10 says God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.
When I remember those two things; that we are called to serve in this way, and that God will not forget us in this, God put on my heart all the things I can be thankful for. Its truly amazing how God can do this. When I have been at my deepest low and feeling worse than I thought possible, God provided me with his holy spirit and a weight was lifted. This happened to me a few weeks ago. We were at church; the baby’s mom had come to church with us and she was sitting next to me. I was so happy she came. I was so thankful. That part was easy to be thankful for. The part that wasn’t so easy was all the feelings of loss that were piling up on me as the gravity of the situation was starting to be clearer. We were nearing the day he would leave, I was seeing her interact with the baby and the reality of her parenting him over me was super evident as I watched them interact. Prior to this I hadn’t really seen them together. It is easier not to envision it when you haven’t seen it. Now however, I was seeing it. I was seeing my mothering role being passed on to someone else. In that moment I felt like I was losing control (I was indeed losing control; this feeling was not imagined! lol) but God came in and gave me his Holy Spirit. Suddenly, I was able to list off item after item of what I was thankful for in this experience. Things I had never thought of. The weight instantly lifted, and I felt peace I hadn’t felt in a long time. I have worked hard to have this peace again. It hasn’t been constant but I have had more peace this time around than I did the first time. I am certain it is not because I have done this before. There are many things about this time that are harder and scarier. I won’t go into those reasons, but because of these things I can be certain this is God’s peace provided to me in a hard time. He has indeed not forgotten us and the work we have done for His people.
The next step for me in this process of accepting the baby leaving us is to celebrate his mom. We are in this to support families and to serve God’s people. I have supported her as much as I know how, but I haven’t celebrated her. She has worked hard to get to where she is today and that is something to be celebrated.
If you feel compelled to celebrate her also, I am going to send some gift cards her way. You can reach out to me if you want to give a gift card, or money towards one. The other suggestion I have is that you can send her words of encouragement. You don’t need to know her personally to encourage her. If you’d like to send her an anonymous note; just reach out to me and I’ll write your note in the card.
Comments