Last week The Saskatchewan Foster Family Association did a mail out attempting to recruit foster families. I hadn't planned on writing anything specific about the mail out but last night I spent some time being sad and it got me reflecting on some things.
Last night after sending off a couple emails to social workers, after having a virtual visit and shooting off some text messages to other family in hopes of getting some updates, I crawled into bed and just felt like crap. I laid in bed and my thoughts started going crazy. I imagined us handing off this little guy and having to explain to him that he was no longer going to be living with us and that he was going to be with someone else. I don't know who that someone else will be yet, which makes my thoughts go even wilder. I imagined his little face and how his bottom lip sticks out and quivers when he is holding in his tears. I basically imagined the face he gave me when I had to leave him at the hospital to get his teeth fixed. He thought I was leaving him forever at the hospital with a nurse and I knew in that moment that this was the face I would see again when we really do hand him off to someone else. It makes me literally sick to my stomach. I have no idea how long I let my thoughts go, it was long enough to notice my stomach in knots and tears in my eyes. When I noticed what was happening I quickly told myself "This isn't happening right now. He is in his bed. He is fine and so are you". My tears stopped, my stomach slowly settled. Then my thoughts started to shift again to the reason we are doing this. We are doing this to bring light to his life. We are doing this to shine the light of God into his life and his families life. We aren't doing this for us, we are doing this for Him. We are doing this because the alternative hurts more.
I know one of the main reasons people say no to foster care is because the idea of having to say good bye to someone you have grown to love is a pain people do not think they can do. Having your heart broken is one of the worst pains! We avoid it at all costs. Of course we do! It hurts! Why would we sign up for that? We signed up for that because the alternative was worse. Here in our own province children have stayed in hotel rooms because there was no room in a foster home. Here in our own cities, children the age of our little guy have had to live in a group home while they wait for a foster home to have space. Our little guy came from a group home where he stayed for a couple weeks while they sorted out where he could go. He is not from Swift Current, but there was no local option and so he found himself here. Here in our province there are children waiting for a home just like yours to be welcomed into. Yes, you will have to say goodbye. Yes, you will have the pain and heartbreak I felt last night. Yes, you'll wonder how you're going to do it and if you have the strength for it all. I am wondering these things all the time. But you will feel other things too. You will also experience joy. You will meet a little one that makes you laugh and wonder where they got that idea from. You'll get extra hugs and kisses and your heart will burst with love. You'll also have a new sense of satisfaction and pride in the things you have offered a little one. Our little guy has learned so much in the 8 months he has been with us. When we reflect on the impact our small family has had on him it fills our heart with such wonder. How did we get so lucky to have him end up in our home?
So I guess to end this off... yes, there will be heartbreak as you say goodbye to someone you have grown to love but aren't we always better off having loved someone?
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