It has been just over 4 months since we packed up our favorite 2 year old, kissed him on the forehead, buckled him into his car seat and said good bye. The moment he drove away from our house will forever be etched into my memory. It was the day before my birthday. We had been preparing for his departure day for over a
month. He had been having extended visits and they had been going really well. Each time he went on a visit I packed up a bin of his belongings and sent it with him. Each week our house emptied little by little but our hearts seemed to fill with more and more mixed up emotions. We were preparing to send off a piece of our hearts. We had done this before, but it did not make it any easier.
I put him in the car, buckled him up kissed his forehead. I desperately wanted to keep my composure. I remember so clearly thinking I may never see him again and the thought almost made me throw up. My legs almost gave out on me. I shut the door and he drove away. I got into the house and saw his most treasured blanket or “keekee” on the floor. Now I would have to call the driver and get her to come back so he could have his keekee and I would have to say good bye again. I got through the second good bye and went into the house and felt like a complete zombie. The tears and the nausea that were with me moments ago were gone and I honestly felt nothing. Looking back now I truly don’t remember anything else from that day. I have no idea what I did but I had the whole day ahead of me as he left early in the morning. I know that when the kids came home from school we did our normal after school things and we got through it. I know that on my birthday the next day I had booked myself a facial and I tried to do things I loved, but all the other memories from the moment after I said goodbye to him are completely gone. This was my bodies way of getting through those moments and I am thankful for it.
Now that we are on the other side of the goodbyes we have some good news stories to share! In July his mom reached out to me and let me know she was coming to Swift Current and
offered for us to get together. We met with them at the park and had the best little play date. It was wonderful to see him play and to see he was still his cute playful self. Although it was fun and we were thankful to see him, the play date was hard on our hearts. I was thankful to see how well they were doing and was feeling blessed that she reached out to us but we missed him. Playing with him at the park felt natural. It is a very weird feeling to know someone else’s child so intimately. To be able to scoop up and hug a child like they are your own, but knowing they are not. This is a feeling I will never be used to.
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